Wednesday, January 14, 2009

men prefer sluts...

I know that it’s a title like this that potentially make me unpopular with the males species. Perhaps, if this applies to you, you will take offense. There is that rare species of man with which integrity is intrinsic. This is not for (or about) you…

I have stated before that I am, or set the intention to, not be flippant with my intimate interactions. I need connection, understanding, spiritual awareness, to put it simply I need true intimacy. This is a tricky matter, however, because the exposure of these elements requires the passing of time. The (consistent) imperfect state of being human doesn’t often allow or demand this elapse based on innate desire for physical human contact. This is where relating can have the propensity to convolute. The desire to ‘know’ someone often involves allowing them into your space and seeing how you energetically fit. In this space boundaries can blur and the potential cross over into territory that is not yet mapped interferes with the pre-stated prerequisite of timing (and placement).

We (as women) have made it too easy. Whether it’s out of need, lack of self respect, or not holding ourselves up to the standard that we should be, we have become too easy to attain. Or is it that they (as men) have learned to play the game too well? Hmmmm…I suspect a bit of both. If you wish to wait and connect on other, deeper more informative, levels before inviting sexual intimacy you risk being called a prude. If you give it up to easily you risk not feeling good about your choices or becoming just another conquest...a notch on the bedpost, so to speak.
And if you aren’t willing to capitulate without protestation you can rest assure that there is another woman in the peripheral willing to give it up in your place. So, what transpires is that sex becomes a way in which we insure and “claim” our man…but certainly not without an exorbitant deductible; and believe me…you will pay…all fine print has hidden fees.

As a woman, I feel I am socially encouraged to daintily position my sexuality on the exterior of where it instinctively resides (on reserve for those with the awareness to comprehend it’s merit) and to use it as a selling point for my level of desirability. To wear it, so to speak, as an accessory; the perfect necklace to go with any outfit. This way I am guaranteed to attract the opposite sex, which in the end is the goal, right?…ummm…right?
Unless of course you seek depth beyond the bait, cast, and reel sport.

In light of this and being someone of intellect and reason I have decided, from experience with this game, to postpone the display until I am ensured that the connection extends below the surface level. At which point I would delight in offering the key to my secret garden. This alternative action is not from a lack of desire but rather a discomfort with frivolity.

My thinking in this is that a man of quality will see this as an obvious act of self respect and self preservation which would in turn encourage a deeper level of respect and recognition from his part.
*insert ‘wrong answer’ sound effect here
The truth is that men actually prefer sluts.
This sounds like a value judgment…and perhaps it is. My observation and experience has been that if I don’t ‘give it up’, someone else will. And this well known fact allows for these apparent men of quality to reverse the script.
While keeping their own false sense of integrity intact they can claim, when I refuse to ‘put out’ that I am any one of the following: dispassionate, closed off, shut down, uninterested (which by this point is accurate), or just plain ‘not that sexual’ (that’s my favorite one). As though my circumspection of circumstances under which I am willing to share this space with a man is the defining factor of the level of sexuality or sensuality that exist in my being.

These men often do not, in fact, respect or desire a woman that is self assured, self preserved, or self respecting. They desire a woman who is self sacrificing and willing to jump out of her pants, dress, panties or whatever other accessory she has chosen to accentuate her displayed sexuality, when he deems it time to do so.
And plenty of women are willing and ready to comply. And where does this leave those of us who are steadfast in our hesitation to show and tell? I seem to, by default, become all of those things I have been accused of out of sheer disgust of the game.

So what is a girl to do? You are seemingly damned if you “do” him and damned if you “don’t” him…but if you “don’t” him then at least you still do you…integrity and sense of self intact.

The catch 22 about insurance is that you end up paying and arm and a leg (and in this case perhaps your whole body) for it and it rarely actually covers the damage. And it always has an expiration date (often without notice). Given this reality your best option package is to yield cautiously, drive offensively, wear your seatbelt and learn to merge with grace. Time will pass and the true identity of his intentions will be revealed regardless of the fine print. At least then your policy is, in fact, in good hands.

1 comment:

nollij said...

Nice one Arwyn... and I like the use of the pop culture references at the end of the article.

Do men prefer sluts? Making a guy wait is a good test: it shows if he's really interested enough to stick around and it gives him plenty of chances to blow his "cover" if he's really just faking interest. Sluts are easy: some guys prefer easy, some guys think they prefer difficult (or shall I say "a challenge"?) but really prefer easy and other guys really want to know and respect the woman they pursue. Figuring out what you're "suitor" really is? That's the hard part...